It has been a strange day and I should start this post by acknowledging that it has been a strange time. I have been immersed in literature from mass psychology, sociology, literature on stigmatized identities, and then had the amazing opportunity to hear Neil Gaiman speak. It has made for a weird stew. I cannot disaggregate which parts of inspiration came from where, but it is from a lot of streams. Anyway, these are my thoughts as I am currently thinking them.
I have been thinking a lot about the nature of what we experience as "the self." It seems to me that the there is that sense of self that I have that says "this is me!" and that it is a construct that I create of myself based primarily upon the stories that I tell myself of who and what I am. Those stories, and my self that changes with them, are constantly evolving and are essentially based not just upon my experiences and my memories and perceptions of experiences, but on the meaning that I create out of my experiences and my memories of my experiences.
I am constantly creating stories and revising stories and experiencing and living the stories that I tell myself. All of this activity creates from moment to moment that sense of "me" that I am and it is real, but it isn't a singular thing that can be located. I think this is what the Buddha was calling anatman. It is never static but is always changing. And yet, there is continuity between what was the "me" in the past and what is the "me" of the moment and what will be "me" in the future. There is rarely rupture but a type of continuity in which I "grow" and my shape changes....which is also constructed in story.
So, this is my sense of my self, what I might consider my "authentic" or "inner" self...changeable as it is. In magical terms, it is a mutable thought form of who and what I am that is, in an intimate way, linked with my formless self...but the formless self doesn't use language or involve itself in forms. In the Greek, my constructed changing self would be my psyche (soul) not my pneuma (spirit) which is formless.
There is another self...or many other selves. Every person who knows me or encounters me creates their own thought form about who Gwendolyn is. That thought form is created from many raw materials, including their perceptions and whatever they happen to think/feel/get triggered by in their own stories about who they tell themselves they think they are. It is created by the disclosure that I have had with them...telling them about my experiences and letting them see my own story about who and what I believe I am. It is created by their reactions to my story which become a part of their story of who Gwendolyn is. In some cases, and I have a couple of these in my workplace, the identity that is created for me has almost nothing whatsoever to do with me but is an almost total projection from the creator's own story where they have put my name and face on something that is pretty much all about them.
So, when someone is trying to interrelate with me, they are not doing so directly (and, of course, vice versa). What they are really doing (I think) is relating to their created thought form of me. If what they perceive and what they have constructed is pretty close to how I have constructed myself then there will be places of connection where maybe we can reach past all of the mutual projections and actually touch each other. This, I think, is that blissful feeling of intimacy, which I think is being seen as you are. But when there is a mismatch between your inner understanding of who and what you are and what someone else has constructed you to be, there is a deep dissonance. It feels (at least to me) as an overpowering sense of alienation and isolation....it is like standing right in front of someone and having them reacting to a dream of themselves while putting your face on it and calling it by your name. This kind of invisibility is incredibly painful and, at least for me, not uncommon. It is a lack of alignment between your sense of self and your "virtual" sense of self -aka the "self" that others construct for you. In some cases, such as the work situation I referenced above, it is impossible to have a conversation because that wall of a created thought form that has nothing to do with me is so strong, that it really is like talking to a wall.
When it comes to constructing the sense of self through stories, I think that what is important is not only attributes (female, witch, psychic, reincarnated ancient Hellene, intellectual) and disclosure of experiences that invite a hearer into the story (telling and hearing a story becomes a shared experience), but also the relative saliency of the various attributes in the thought forms is of great importance. So, for example, it is very important for many Pagans to emphasize the saliency of their sexual identities as a primary characteristic...for a variety of reasons. Sexual identity is given a huge priority as a valorized and essential characteristic in most Pagan identity formation. I, personally, am pretty far on the asexual side of the spectrum. What this means is that in the stories I tell myself about who and what I am, sexuality has little saliency. It is barely a part of the story at all. However, it plays a significantly larger role in the "virtual identity" of Gwendolyn that is constructed by other people and creates a gulf, even if they get the characteristics right. The point is that the alienating mismatch between the thought forms of the sense of self and the thought forms constructed by another is not only about alignment on particular characteristics, it is also about saliency of those characteristics.
It also can lead to situations in which people don't disclose certain characteristics because of needing to control saliency. For example, I know people who have rare genetic disorders that are always fatal....but that may take decades to present symptoms and decades of degeneration before the disease runs it course. If they disclose then they will be "that poor person with x disorder, about whom we are so worried." That is a human reaction. The disease becomes highly salient. The reality is that person could be killed in a car wreck and never experience anything from the illness. They don't disclose because they don't want this to be a salient aspect of their identity. Many people who have experienced sexual assault or other trauma don't disclose for similar reasons...they don't want to give it power.
But human beings are not truly independent. We never are. We influence each other by the stories we tell....for good or ill. I am ultimately an optimist and an idealist, but I am a pragmatic idealist. So, what would say is this...we most often influence each other for ill but have the possibility of influencing each other positively in profound ways.
How many of us have listened to harmful stories we have been told about ourselves and believed them? We have taken them in and made them a part of the stories we tell ourselves about who and what we are. I know I have. As an example, I have been told for almost as long as I can remember that I "always exaggerate." That is my family's line. (Like that isn't an exaggeration!) I don't always exaggerate. I get numbers wrong (hence the weakness that left me open to this story) but the reality is that I am a Truth Teller who says things that are uncomfortable and potentially deeply disruptive. I spent years reflecting back and verbalizing things to my family that they didn't want to hear because they are scary; hence, I am discredited by the stories they tell about who and what I am...namely that I always exaggerate and am overly emotional. Now the danger (besides being ignored) is that I absorbed this into myself and started telling myself these stories that were constructed for me. In other words, in this case, I started to doubt my perceptions and my judgement. I started to tell myself in my own stories to myself about myself that my emotions were clearly out of control and that I couldn't be counted on to judge because I was obviously overly emotional and distorting reality. Somehow, as horrible as that both sounds and is, it is less scary than being invisible to people you love. I tried to make my internal sense of self align with the self that was being constructed for me and projected onto me by others...to devastating effect. I share this as an example because I don't think this is uncommon and I don't think that this makes anyone in my family "bad." I think it is human. For the record, I have largely healed from this over time and have rejected those stories...and I think my family is finally mostly past those constructions also. It has taken many years of hard work. But I share this as an example because I think this kind of thing is common. Look to the stories people tell you about yourself and don't take on board what you don't really want.
On the other hand, being an idealist, I would hope that maybe when we see something positive in another person that they can't see or that they have lost sight of, we can show them a story about themselves in which the positive is visible and strengthened so that they can broaden and enrich their story about who and what they are. I hope that there is some hope because that is probably the most essential part of my story of who and what I am. I am one who hopes. I hope that in reflecting back to people narratives in which they are worthy and powerful and wise and good and can make this world better (based on observations and my own interpretations of when I have seen them exemplify these attributes) that they will incorporate the strengthening of these qualities into the core of their being and make it a stronger part of their identity. I hope so. I hope that by consciously telling stories of goodness and striving and triumph that it will happen. I hope and I hope and I hope.
And I hope that when I am relating to others through the thought forms that I have constructed for them that those forms are both close enough to the stories that they tell themselves about who and what they are that we can really connect, and yet I also dare to hope that I can provide them with some vision to be EVEN BETTER, even more of what THEY want to be so that they can have the chance to absorb that possibility....as a ripening of their own story, not as my projection. I want to use my hope to show people a vision of themselves through my interactions with them in which their own highest ideals of who and what they are are made manifest. I hope that I can purify my own perceptions enough to do this for others.
And I hope that there is someone who can do the same for me.
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
Ἀκηδία - Acedia: The Sin of Sloth is not Really Laziness
I was just challenged to identify the cardinal sin of my personality. Personally, mine may be immoderation...but there is another I am seriously entertaining as a possibility. It is, at least, a danger.
In attempting to figure out my cardinal sin, I looked at the Delphic maxims (relatively full compiled list is here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delphic_maxims) and I looked at the seven deadly sins of the Christians and that is when something else really caught my attention. What we are taught is sloth and we think of it as laziness is not really that at all. The original Greek is acedia, which is much closer to despair and dejection than it is to just laziness. It is more like ennui.
Basically, the cardinal sin of acedia is when you just can't maintain motivation to keep on keeping on. It is when you give in to the feeling that whatever it is you are facing is so big that you just kind of can't care any more. It is when life feels pointless and meaningless and you stop caring about your duty and the condition of the world and you stop trying to make it better.
There are signs of acedia that are very similar to signs of depression, but are not exactly the same. There is a general restlessness and boredom where you try to fill up your life with distractions because you've lost a sense of meaning. There is a tendency to sleep more than is advisable and to either neglect your daily work or to do it without engagement. There is a tendency to fixate on the overwhelming nature of the future rather than live in the present and do one's duty here and now.
All of this is a sin because it keeps you from being able to operate and fulfill your purpose...whatever that happens to be. It keeps you from working to make the world a better place, which is an important duty that each of us has.
Why did this realization jump out at me? Because when I think about our culture in general, and I think about our collective cardinal sin, I've always thought about greed...but now that I understand what acedia is, I think it is that. I think that what I have understood as greed (amongst the 99% - the 1% it may be something else) is overindulgence in consumption as a form of distraction from the pain of acedia. It is also what keeps us from standing up and doing what needs to be done to fix the world. You can see it in the persistent "sophisticated cynicism" of the intellectual left when they say things like "it's all oligarchy, there's no difference between the parties" instead of getting out there and trying to make a difference. And if you live in a place where there is no candidate running that you can morally support, then you bloody well run or find someone you can support and convince them to run! Acedia is passivity that passes into careless apathy. We've got to stop it.
So how do you overcome acedia? It is through will....a capacity that we do not train and exercise in this culture and need to start doing so. You overcome acedia by getting up, focusing in the moment, and doing what you can do today that is in alignment with your duty. You don't focus on the distant outcome...you do what is your duty and right to do today BECAUSE it is your duty and is right to do it. And you just keep going. As an example, I pick up plastic trash when I'm walking and throw it away. Every time I go out, there is a lot more plastic trash in my path...and I pick it up and I throw it away. It would be easy to give into despair about it and be overwhelmed and think that what I'm doing doesn't make a difference, but in the end, I don't want to be the kind of person who walks by plastic trash and doesn't pick it up...so I keep picking it up. That's a small example, but it is the principle in action.
In attempting to figure out my cardinal sin, I looked at the Delphic maxims (relatively full compiled list is here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delphic_maxims) and I looked at the seven deadly sins of the Christians and that is when something else really caught my attention. What we are taught is sloth and we think of it as laziness is not really that at all. The original Greek is acedia, which is much closer to despair and dejection than it is to just laziness. It is more like ennui.
Basically, the cardinal sin of acedia is when you just can't maintain motivation to keep on keeping on. It is when you give in to the feeling that whatever it is you are facing is so big that you just kind of can't care any more. It is when life feels pointless and meaningless and you stop caring about your duty and the condition of the world and you stop trying to make it better.
There are signs of acedia that are very similar to signs of depression, but are not exactly the same. There is a general restlessness and boredom where you try to fill up your life with distractions because you've lost a sense of meaning. There is a tendency to sleep more than is advisable and to either neglect your daily work or to do it without engagement. There is a tendency to fixate on the overwhelming nature of the future rather than live in the present and do one's duty here and now.
All of this is a sin because it keeps you from being able to operate and fulfill your purpose...whatever that happens to be. It keeps you from working to make the world a better place, which is an important duty that each of us has.
Why did this realization jump out at me? Because when I think about our culture in general, and I think about our collective cardinal sin, I've always thought about greed...but now that I understand what acedia is, I think it is that. I think that what I have understood as greed (amongst the 99% - the 1% it may be something else) is overindulgence in consumption as a form of distraction from the pain of acedia. It is also what keeps us from standing up and doing what needs to be done to fix the world. You can see it in the persistent "sophisticated cynicism" of the intellectual left when they say things like "it's all oligarchy, there's no difference between the parties" instead of getting out there and trying to make a difference. And if you live in a place where there is no candidate running that you can morally support, then you bloody well run or find someone you can support and convince them to run! Acedia is passivity that passes into careless apathy. We've got to stop it.
So how do you overcome acedia? It is through will....a capacity that we do not train and exercise in this culture and need to start doing so. You overcome acedia by getting up, focusing in the moment, and doing what you can do today that is in alignment with your duty. You don't focus on the distant outcome...you do what is your duty and right to do today BECAUSE it is your duty and is right to do it. And you just keep going. As an example, I pick up plastic trash when I'm walking and throw it away. Every time I go out, there is a lot more plastic trash in my path...and I pick it up and I throw it away. It would be easy to give into despair about it and be overwhelmed and think that what I'm doing doesn't make a difference, but in the end, I don't want to be the kind of person who walks by plastic trash and doesn't pick it up...so I keep picking it up. That's a small example, but it is the principle in action.
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
Recovering and Retraining Revulsion
Jonathan Haidt, in The Righteous Mind, makes a compelling case that both liberals and conservatives experience moral outrage and believe themselves to be making moral decisions, but that the character of their morality is very different. What struck me is that conservatives, in addition to being far more authoritarian, use the emotion of disgust a lot.
So, what is disgust or revulsion? It is deeply primal and clearly is tied in with our animal natures and evolution. Revulsion is that virtually non-cognitive feeling when we encounter something that could make us sick and kill us. It is the emotion that keeps us from eating meat that has maggots in it. It is the emotion that keeps us from getting shit on our hands and then putting our hands anyplace close to our mouth before washing first. It is really, really powerful. Haidt has examples that just literally make my skin crawl and make me nauseous and it is very hard to argue against that visceral feeling and say that something is morally okay when it evokes that reaction.
The question, then, is how is it used and why. At its most basic, that intense feeling is about the survival and care of our animal selves...and is an important warning system. But over time, what has happened is that it has been used, very skillfully, to evoke that reaction to things that are not harmful. The main arena in which this has been used is sexuality. This is probably because there may be real animal-nature revulsion to having sex with close kin, that would result in genetic problems. But this feeling has been expanded to all sorts of things that, frankly, aren't relevant. There is nothing dangerous to the survival of the animal nature about same-sex relations, nor about menstruating women, or about sex in general. But somehow over the course of many, many, many generations, people have been trained to experience revulsion at many of these things. Not only that, but the revulsion gets generalized and laid straight on the people themselves.
I think we are kidding ourselves if we do not realize that many people on the right experience disgust about not just same-sex relations, but gay people and lesbians, and women, and anyone who makes them feel sexual. And disgust is so strong, that it is a very effective tool of authoritarian power because it can be used to redirect hostility against those who would limit personal freedom by giving people a substitute target with such a visceral power behind it. I do think retraining these aspects comes from making it clear that those people who are experiencing this kind of revulsion are NOT moral. It is inappropriate revulsion that has nothing to do with morality.
That then, is a meditation about how disgust is used towards things that are inappropriate.
That's only half the problem, though. We, collectively and individually, are doing a TON of things that ARE actually harmful to our animal nature...in other words, our very bodily survival. And do we experience revulsion? Usually not! We feel morally outraged by fracking and water pollution, but do we really feel the kind of visceral disgust like we do if we think about touching rotting, maggoty meat with our bare hands? I know I don't. But I should because this is poisoning our water and that is exactly the reason why this emotion exists.
The moral outrage on the left about all of these devastating environmental problems doesn't tend to have the power of visceral revulsion behind it. If it did, we would be making more progress. If we could retrain our animal natures to experience this kind of revulsion for environmental degradation, we would fix it...and clearly the animal nature can be trained to experience revulsion because it has been done in regards to harmless sexuality that was once not experienced that way (witness ancient Hellenic sexuality where bisexuality was the norm).
An example of how this is working now is that when I go out and walk through the neighborhood, I pick up and throw away all plastic trash that I see....which is an alarming amount. Now, I have literally been told, "don't touch that, it's dirty." This is revulsion and disgust speaking. And the answer is, "you are damn right it's dirty...and it's going to go into the water if I don't pick it up!"
The disgust at the possibility of this going into the water supply, where it can do real damage, has to start trumping the more immediate...which is a retraining.
As an occultist, I believe that for all that we tend to experience ourselves as individuals, on another level of reality, we are cells in a greater mind - that there IS an oversoul of humanity, if you will. That those decisions that we make, those experiences that we have, those things that we learn all have a power to influence more than just one individual without necessarily "teaching" others. And, furthermore, I believe that as occultists, because we work intentionally and consciously with this aspect of the Greater Self of humanity, we can have disproportionate impact.
So, I invite you to consider this challenge. Let's retrain our sense of revulsion to really call up that visceral disgust in regards to environmental degradation so that it is not only cognitively based moral outrage but has the same feeling as getting shit all over your hands (to be gross, but accurate). What we are dealing with is far more dangerous than that.
So, what is disgust or revulsion? It is deeply primal and clearly is tied in with our animal natures and evolution. Revulsion is that virtually non-cognitive feeling when we encounter something that could make us sick and kill us. It is the emotion that keeps us from eating meat that has maggots in it. It is the emotion that keeps us from getting shit on our hands and then putting our hands anyplace close to our mouth before washing first. It is really, really powerful. Haidt has examples that just literally make my skin crawl and make me nauseous and it is very hard to argue against that visceral feeling and say that something is morally okay when it evokes that reaction.
The question, then, is how is it used and why. At its most basic, that intense feeling is about the survival and care of our animal selves...and is an important warning system. But over time, what has happened is that it has been used, very skillfully, to evoke that reaction to things that are not harmful. The main arena in which this has been used is sexuality. This is probably because there may be real animal-nature revulsion to having sex with close kin, that would result in genetic problems. But this feeling has been expanded to all sorts of things that, frankly, aren't relevant. There is nothing dangerous to the survival of the animal nature about same-sex relations, nor about menstruating women, or about sex in general. But somehow over the course of many, many, many generations, people have been trained to experience revulsion at many of these things. Not only that, but the revulsion gets generalized and laid straight on the people themselves.
I think we are kidding ourselves if we do not realize that many people on the right experience disgust about not just same-sex relations, but gay people and lesbians, and women, and anyone who makes them feel sexual. And disgust is so strong, that it is a very effective tool of authoritarian power because it can be used to redirect hostility against those who would limit personal freedom by giving people a substitute target with such a visceral power behind it. I do think retraining these aspects comes from making it clear that those people who are experiencing this kind of revulsion are NOT moral. It is inappropriate revulsion that has nothing to do with morality.
That then, is a meditation about how disgust is used towards things that are inappropriate.
That's only half the problem, though. We, collectively and individually, are doing a TON of things that ARE actually harmful to our animal nature...in other words, our very bodily survival. And do we experience revulsion? Usually not! We feel morally outraged by fracking and water pollution, but do we really feel the kind of visceral disgust like we do if we think about touching rotting, maggoty meat with our bare hands? I know I don't. But I should because this is poisoning our water and that is exactly the reason why this emotion exists.
The moral outrage on the left about all of these devastating environmental problems doesn't tend to have the power of visceral revulsion behind it. If it did, we would be making more progress. If we could retrain our animal natures to experience this kind of revulsion for environmental degradation, we would fix it...and clearly the animal nature can be trained to experience revulsion because it has been done in regards to harmless sexuality that was once not experienced that way (witness ancient Hellenic sexuality where bisexuality was the norm).
An example of how this is working now is that when I go out and walk through the neighborhood, I pick up and throw away all plastic trash that I see....which is an alarming amount. Now, I have literally been told, "don't touch that, it's dirty." This is revulsion and disgust speaking. And the answer is, "you are damn right it's dirty...and it's going to go into the water if I don't pick it up!"
The disgust at the possibility of this going into the water supply, where it can do real damage, has to start trumping the more immediate...which is a retraining.
As an occultist, I believe that for all that we tend to experience ourselves as individuals, on another level of reality, we are cells in a greater mind - that there IS an oversoul of humanity, if you will. That those decisions that we make, those experiences that we have, those things that we learn all have a power to influence more than just one individual without necessarily "teaching" others. And, furthermore, I believe that as occultists, because we work intentionally and consciously with this aspect of the Greater Self of humanity, we can have disproportionate impact.
So, I invite you to consider this challenge. Let's retrain our sense of revulsion to really call up that visceral disgust in regards to environmental degradation so that it is not only cognitively based moral outrage but has the same feeling as getting shit all over your hands (to be gross, but accurate). What we are dealing with is far more dangerous than that.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
My personal war against planned obsolescence
I have made a determination that of all the most broken things in the world, the root cause is our crazy consumer culture that thrives on planned obsolescence and the disposable mentality. This is the root of most of our ecological problems, much of the social injustice in the world, and just a lot of waste and misery.
I figure that the first major step is for me to do a major inventory for a month of everything I throw away and recycle. That way I can try to see patterns. I probably ought to keep track of what I buy, too.
So, here is today:
Discarded
1. starbucks coffee cup
2. umbrella [broken]
3. Plastic skin wrapping from frozen pizza
4. Cardboard backing for frozen pizza
5. Plastic skin wrapping from bacon
6. Food contaminated paper bag
Recycled
1. Frozen pizza box
2. Bacon box
3. Shampoo bottle
4. Newspaper circular
5. Receipt x2
6. catalog
7. 30 sheets of paper
Stuff I bought
1. New umbrella
2. thinking of you cards x2
3. 1 package of blank cds
I figure that the first major step is for me to do a major inventory for a month of everything I throw away and recycle. That way I can try to see patterns. I probably ought to keep track of what I buy, too.
So, here is today:
Discarded
1. starbucks coffee cup
2. umbrella [broken]
3. Plastic skin wrapping from frozen pizza
4. Cardboard backing for frozen pizza
5. Plastic skin wrapping from bacon
6. Food contaminated paper bag
Recycled
1. Frozen pizza box
2. Bacon box
3. Shampoo bottle
4. Newspaper circular
5. Receipt x2
6. catalog
7. 30 sheets of paper
Stuff I bought
1. New umbrella
2. thinking of you cards x2
3. 1 package of blank cds
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Contemplation on Meaning
Life is not fair. Fair is a human concept and the cosmos doesn’t give one whit about it. Life straight up flat out is not fair. But it is purposeful and therefore, it is possible to both discover and create meaning in it. This is the purpose of humanity. We are the meaning-makers of creation. Human beings are resilient. We can survive almost anything except for meaninglessness. This kills our spirit. And when we live in a meaningless world it is because we have not exercised our Divinely gifted creative power, which is to forge meaning from purpose. This is the purpose itself of our Free Will. So that when the One looks at itself in the mirror that is our world of Creation, its reflection is not just a bunch of images—it’s a story.
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Lammas Reflections
I know this is all so very late...but I do have some reflections coming from Lammas. Basically, it is this...
Back in Ye Olden Days...when things were not so good with a drought or the harvest (such as now) we might sacrifice a "king" in order to be an intercessor for us in the spiritual world. Willing sacrifice...not murder. And a connection was kept...tied to the community...I think through whoever his lover was. That's my feeling or intuition. This is an idea that is really not understood now. I think it's weird how people get totally freaked out by the idea that we would have someone who might sacrifice himself willingly to be an intercessor and save his people from starvation, but don't think it's weird at all for soldiers to "sacrifice" themselves by killing others and dying in violence. Society is strange.
So, this Lammas, before I could even understand the words (it took me a while to figure them out) I was compelled to learn "The Maid She Sat a Weeping." And then I was thinking about this and I was thinking that this is probably about the intercessory sacrifice. That's my feeling about it.
Steeleye Span has a lovely version...I think it's called "Once I had a true love." But they have some later verses and I think the first three are the only real ones that show up in most if not all of the versions.
The Maid She Sat a Weeping
Once I had a true love, but now I have none
Once I had a true love, but now I have none
He has gone and left me, gone and left me
Gone and left me in sorrow to mourn
Last night in sweet slumber, I dreamed I did see
Last night in sweet slumber, I dreamed I did see
My own darling jewel sat smiling by me
My own darling jewel sat smiling by me
But when I awakened, I found it not so
Yes when I awakened, I found it not so
My eyes, like some fountain, with tears overflowed
My eyes, like some fountain, with tears overflowed
Back in Ye Olden Days...when things were not so good with a drought or the harvest (such as now) we might sacrifice a "king" in order to be an intercessor for us in the spiritual world. Willing sacrifice...not murder. And a connection was kept...tied to the community...I think through whoever his lover was. That's my feeling or intuition. This is an idea that is really not understood now. I think it's weird how people get totally freaked out by the idea that we would have someone who might sacrifice himself willingly to be an intercessor and save his people from starvation, but don't think it's weird at all for soldiers to "sacrifice" themselves by killing others and dying in violence. Society is strange.
So, this Lammas, before I could even understand the words (it took me a while to figure them out) I was compelled to learn "The Maid She Sat a Weeping." And then I was thinking about this and I was thinking that this is probably about the intercessory sacrifice. That's my feeling about it.
Steeleye Span has a lovely version...I think it's called "Once I had a true love." But they have some later verses and I think the first three are the only real ones that show up in most if not all of the versions.
The Maid She Sat a Weeping
Once I had a true love, but now I have none
Once I had a true love, but now I have none
He has gone and left me, gone and left me
Gone and left me in sorrow to mourn
Last night in sweet slumber, I dreamed I did see
Last night in sweet slumber, I dreamed I did see
My own darling jewel sat smiling by me
My own darling jewel sat smiling by me
But when I awakened, I found it not so
Yes when I awakened, I found it not so
My eyes, like some fountain, with tears overflowed
My eyes, like some fountain, with tears overflowed
Done is Good
As of today, I am Dr. Hermione. WOO HOO!!! Sorry it has been a while since I have posted, but I have been very focused on becoming Dr. Hermione and finishing things up. What I have to say is: Done is Good. This has been my motto throughout.
There has been a certain amount of hurry up and wait, but I've been pushing hard. Now...on to the next adventure. I will be spending the next year trying to determine what I should be doing. I have been telling myself I wasn't going to worry about it until "IT" was DONE. Now that I am Dr. Hermione, Occult Librarian, I can begin this next academic year of thinking about what I am going to do.
So many, many possibilities. I am trying to figure out how to best be of service. What can I do to me of most use to the gods and the world(s). After all, there are many planes and many lives that we are interconnected with that are not necessarily apparent, but that we should be working with. We humans are "The Distracted Ones," as apparently we are known to some of the Fey. I think that is really, really funny. I think the most important use of our mental powers of discernment is to distinguish the Important from the Trivial. I know everyone always says to know the Apparent from the Real...but I think the other encompasses that as well. By the way, it isn't that I do this myself so well...but I am trying.
Here are some of the possibilities:
1. Stay at my current job where I have a decent salary, tenure, and can basically contain it to 40 hours a week and spend the rest of my time on spiritual activities including maybe publishing because I LOVE to write.
2. Try to swing a different position where I set up a Waldorf teacher training center within the context of a university specifically geared towards training PUBLIC school teachers in Waldorf style education and methods. Maybe an additional certificate or something.
3. Maybe with #2 or maybe not...try to establish a Waldorf Charter School in my area. We have broad choice rules and a lot of disadvantaged students.
4. Set up a parochial school for Witches based on a Waldorf model. That would be SO fun and is really tempting...but I'm not sure that there are really enough of us in this area to be able to support such a school. Wouldn't that be fun, though? A real education and a spiritual education for witches or maybe for pagans? Broaden it out.
5. Stay in my current field but pursue a higher level position. The danger there is that I will lose containment and...it just isn't my bliss.
So, those are the five options I'm kind of thinking about right now. I guess there is also the possibility of staying in my current job but teaching as an adjunct in another field...again, we would lose containment and I do need time to focus on my spiritual endeavors. What I really want to do is to have a job that directly supports my spiritual activities and where I can be of use. What I have right now doesn't get in the way of them...except for the time that it takes and, as a librarian, I have access to all the research materials I could want...but it also doesn't directly support it. We shall see.
So, that is my thinking of the moment. On to The Next Adventure!!!!
There has been a certain amount of hurry up and wait, but I've been pushing hard. Now...on to the next adventure. I will be spending the next year trying to determine what I should be doing. I have been telling myself I wasn't going to worry about it until "IT" was DONE. Now that I am Dr. Hermione, Occult Librarian, I can begin this next academic year of thinking about what I am going to do.
So many, many possibilities. I am trying to figure out how to best be of service. What can I do to me of most use to the gods and the world(s). After all, there are many planes and many lives that we are interconnected with that are not necessarily apparent, but that we should be working with. We humans are "The Distracted Ones," as apparently we are known to some of the Fey. I think that is really, really funny. I think the most important use of our mental powers of discernment is to distinguish the Important from the Trivial. I know everyone always says to know the Apparent from the Real...but I think the other encompasses that as well. By the way, it isn't that I do this myself so well...but I am trying.
Here are some of the possibilities:
1. Stay at my current job where I have a decent salary, tenure, and can basically contain it to 40 hours a week and spend the rest of my time on spiritual activities including maybe publishing because I LOVE to write.
2. Try to swing a different position where I set up a Waldorf teacher training center within the context of a university specifically geared towards training PUBLIC school teachers in Waldorf style education and methods. Maybe an additional certificate or something.
3. Maybe with #2 or maybe not...try to establish a Waldorf Charter School in my area. We have broad choice rules and a lot of disadvantaged students.
4. Set up a parochial school for Witches based on a Waldorf model. That would be SO fun and is really tempting...but I'm not sure that there are really enough of us in this area to be able to support such a school. Wouldn't that be fun, though? A real education and a spiritual education for witches or maybe for pagans? Broaden it out.
5. Stay in my current field but pursue a higher level position. The danger there is that I will lose containment and...it just isn't my bliss.
So, those are the five options I'm kind of thinking about right now. I guess there is also the possibility of staying in my current job but teaching as an adjunct in another field...again, we would lose containment and I do need time to focus on my spiritual endeavors. What I really want to do is to have a job that directly supports my spiritual activities and where I can be of use. What I have right now doesn't get in the way of them...except for the time that it takes and, as a librarian, I have access to all the research materials I could want...but it also doesn't directly support it. We shall see.
So, that is my thinking of the moment. On to The Next Adventure!!!!
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